My Spiritual Story, Plus A Life Changing Pilgrimage - Part II
“One of the ancient functions of pilgrimage is to wake us from our slumber.” ~Phil Cousineau.
Image: Sitting on the top of Mt Nebo, looking out onto the Promised Land.
If you haven’t read Part I of my Spiritual Story, begin here.
Going Into The Desert
When we crossed into Jordan, I entered a world unlike anything I’d ever seen. I liked it! I was transported into the real-life Lawrence of Arabia landscape. Except I was on an air-conditioned tour bus instead of a camel. As we made our way down the long desert highway, the view was filled with some shepherds herding their goats and sheep. We saw grey concrete cube-shaped homes, interspersed with the vast desert, sand, dust, oppressive heat, and no trees. We passed through the modern-day capital city of Amman, which bore no resemblance to any city in the US or Europe. I was definitely in the Middle East. The sensory experience of this new and different place was exhilarating.
We stopped for lunch and walked through the world’s best preserved and most impressive set of ruins in the once thriving Roman city of Jerash. Then we got back on the bus and drove another five hours to Petra to stay the night.
Image: Hiking into Petra (one of the Seven Wonders Of The World) in the intense desert heat.
“We may be propelled to the desert in search of time and space to think. Or perhaps we are reluctant visitors, brought to this bleached-bone terrain by the death of a loved one or another profound loss of some kind. We may find ourselves in a literal dry spell that parches our creativity and covers our lives with a dull dust of fatigue. Time in the desert soulscape will reveal to us who we are and what we really want. In one sense we might even say that the desert—a place far removed from community and the busyness of everyday life—is the region where all heroic journeys begin.” -Reclaiming the Wild Soul: How Earth’s Landscapes Restore Us to Wholeness, by Mary Reynolds Thompson
The idea of wandering for 40 days and 40 nights through the wilderness of the desert started to take on a whole new visceral meaning for me. Things that don’t matter quickly evaporate or burn up in the oppressive heat. The desert is relentless, it takes no prisoners. It makes sense to me now why God often took His people into the desert. We’re laid bare there; it’s a place to become new.
One thing I’ve noticed is the calm that came and has continued stay with me after I returned from traversing this intense desert landscape. While we were in the desert we stood on the edge of the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Floated in the Dead Sea 1200 feet below sea level. Dipped our hands and feet in the Jordan River at the spot where John the Baptist baptized Jesus. Drove on hairpin mountain roads with no guardrails.
There was a lot to take in and absorb at the rapid pace of a group tour.
Nadia Boltz Weber describes those harrowing hairpin turns through Jordan on The Moth podcast. She had a panic attack in Jericho and got off the bus to hitch a ride with a car. I got nauseous in Bethlehem and got off the bus to ride in a car as well, back to the hotel. I identify with many parts of the story she tells regarding the spiritual exfoliation that can happen in the desert.
It’s hard to fathom walking and living in these desert landscapes in the first century. The fortitude and faith it would’ve required is humbling, but then I guess that’s the whole point.
Image: The Valley of the Shadow of Death that Psalms 23 is based on. “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.” Psalms 23:4 [NLT] Embedded in the rock behind me is St George Monastery which is active and in use today.
It’s Really Real!
I’m still in awe over the actual physical location where the cross went into the ground at the site of the crucifixion in Old City Jerusalem. I mean, I didn’t know until I was on this pilgrimage that this physical location even existed. I’m still deconstructing 30 years of “spiritual but not religious” doctrine where I thought Jesus was just a great teacher (among many) and it didn’t really matter if he actually lived, died, or rose again.
Jerusalem was an alchemizing elixir for me.
It was convicting to see evidence that Jesus was a real man, in a real time, that’s revealed through real archeology, carbon dating, oral transmission, graffiti, and historical records documenting the Crusaders guarding these sites for hundreds of years.
This is a spiritually thirsty land. The Muslim prayers infuse the cities through loud speakers at noon each day. When the Orthodox and Hassidic Jews observe Shabbat on Fridays, everything stops — businesses, traffic, and even some elevators. One day our group was leaving the Western Wall (the wailing wall) and a Jewish man yelled at our Palestine guide. “You shouldn’t be here. You all must GO!”
The religious tensions are present and very real.
Image: Fully armed Israeli police all along the Via Dolorosa — the path that Jesus would have taken, forced by the Roman soldiers, on the way to His crucifixion.
Some of the places that made a big impact on me were the prison caves inside the city walls. The Roman soldiers held Jesus captive and beat Him there before taking Him to the cross. I walked the same steps that Jesus took to the cross in the busy narrow streets of Old City Jerusalem. That was an emotional trek. And of course, The Holy Sepulchre Church — with such a rich, long history and where millions still come every year to see the structure that Christianity is literally built upon.
Caesarea Philippi moved me because of my own wandering through New Age spirituality1. The physical gate of Hades where various gods were worshipped, penetrated me deeply. Truly, this is a place I won’t forget.
Jesus brought His disciples here for a reason — to anchor them through an important lesson before making His final journey into Jerusalem. I felt the importance and magnitude of that teaching when visiting this location. There’s nothing new under the sun. Even though I may have assumed people from these ancient civilizations would be more simple-minded and ignorant compared to us, not much has changed today regarding what and who is worshiped.
Image: The cave at Caesarea Philippi. It was known all over the Galilee region as the Gates of Hades
I didn’t just have some chronological snobbery2 for people from earlier times in history,
I also assumed people who were “too churchy” or “Bible-thumpy” didn’t think critically. I thought they blindly followed fundamentalist dogma, which made them hypocrites, prudes, or a combination of both.
But at the age of 50, I stumbled upon God brought me to an Anglican Church in Charleston, SC. This particular church/congregation was founded in 1680. A whole new world opened up — a world that I didn’t know was available to me until two years ago.
A church with 300 years of architectural and spiritual history combined with a traditional liturgy service reminded me of the Church of England, I liked that. The hymns were familiar from my childhood Presbyterian Church. The hospitality and genuine kindness within the congregation, and ministers who actually know your name, was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
But the Cornucopia of Learning Opportunities Is What Really Got Me!
Shortly after I started attending church in Charleston, our lead minister did a lecture series on The History of Anglicanism and the Medieval Church. It had me counting down the days until the next class. I ate it up. The Screwtape Letters, a class taught by another of the five ministers—who happens to be a leading scholar/expert on C.S. Lewis—was perfectly timed for me as well. When it seemed like the whole planet was going up in flames during the pandemic, Lewis’s 1940’s book made a lot of sense!
When I told my friend in Colorado that I was now motivated to read the Bible (chronologically) for the first time she recommended The Bible Recap Podcast3. This podcast is absolute gold when it comes to top recommendations. Thank you, Leura!
Last summer I discovered and dove into the world of apologetics. I found apologist Alisa Childers and enjoyed this interview she did on, Is Christianity a Cult? A couple of months ago I attended an edifying weekend conference on Beauty, Truth, and Goodness. Many authors and academics from Oxford University were the keynote speakers. I didn’t realize how helpful and necessary it would be for me to listen to and read academics who talk about God.
In April 2022 I became an official member of the Anglican Church. I’ve never joined a church as an adult…until now. It feels like I found the missing puzzle piece I didn’t even know I was searching for.
My Learning Continues In The Holy Land
That’s why I signed up for this trip — to learn more! I’m an experiential learner. I like tangible, practical, hands-on experience. I was gobbling up what I could in books and study groups, and church! But at the end of the day, I couldn’t conceptualize what the Middle East was like in biblical or modern times. So in a split-second decision last November, I said “yes” to this trip, led by my minister.
It turns out biblical history, anchored in solid teaching, quenches my spiritual thirst. Especially when I can be in the actual physical and historical locations. Whether it’s Sunday morning in Charleston, or on a boat in the middle of the Sea of Galilee, lessons come alive and really speak to me.
Video: On The Sea of Galilee. Where do you put your attention when “you’re either in a storm, you’re coming out of a storm, or you’re heading into a storm?” — Jeff Miller, Minister, St Philips Anglican Church.
Spiritual Lineage: Returning To Our Roots and Origins
A couple of years ago I studied with an herbal teacher who felt strongly about using native plants, foods, and herbs connected to our individual heritages. For example, a person of Scottish descent should (according to this teacher) find and use herbs native to Scotland. Someone of Chinese or East Indian descent would use herbs and practices connected to their Asian roots.
This made a lot of sense to me. (But I’m also not a purist about it either!)
Biochemical individuality is the foundation of my nutrition and health training. Everything doesn’t work for everyone all the time. So we need to incorporate different things at different times, depending on the seasons and reasons. But, we can find big clues about what might be helpful to our unique constitutions when we remember our lineage and native roots. Some would argue that the further away we get (spiritually, intellectually, biochemically) from our roots and origins, the worse we feel on all levels and areas of our life.
The problem is,
We often suppress our innate knowing or ignore the inner tug that calls to us.
Learning how to listen to and resource the body is my jam. Even if it means going against the grain of the culture i.e. quitting drinking because we want to, not because we have to.
Two years ago, I could sense a strong pull back to my roots. I am of Scottish and German descent. My Protestant Judeo-Christian spiritual heritage runs back as far as we can trace my family tree. I knew in my bones “If there is ever a time to stand with and be with God, now is the time!” I needed to go back and learn the origins and foundations of early Christianity to nourish my spiritual roots. Physically going to the home of my spiritual lineage — The Holy Land — was necessary and important for me.
Understanding and connecting to the foundations/origins within the body, mind, and spirit over the years has helped me feel more settled in my nervous system and more at ease with my life. Even when my spiritual choice (beliefs) goes against the cultural grain…4
Epilogue:
There is obviously much more to share about all the sites we visited (so many!): traveling through the Middle East and the high police state of Israel; being a pilgrim with a group of 38 people for 12 days; the insights and lessons I’m still digesting. But I’ll let those stories weave their way into future posts when it makes sense to share.
Thanks so much for reading and following along.
Modern-day Caesarea Philippi. It wasn’t until a year into quietly following my inner pull toward God that I discovered a significant number of people online who were talking about leaving the New Age for Jesus. If you’re curious about this movement, I linked an example via Caroline Dooner’s story above.
Chronological snobbery. Is an argument that the thinking, art, or science of an earlier time is inherently inferior to that of the present, simply by virtue of its temporal priority or the belief that since civilization has advanced in certain areas, people of earlier periods were less intelligent. The term was coined by C.S. Lewis and Owen Garfield and first mentioned by Lewis in his 1955 autobiographical work, Surprised by Joy.
A quick note about the Bible. I get it, people have strong aversions to the Bible for so many reasons. I acknowledge and recognize that church, religious hurt and trauma is a real experience for many as well. I’m also enough of a rebel that when the masses are going in one direction I often like to look at the other direction, just to see what’s there. As a person who used to be all about the “hidden” spiritual mysteries, I have to wonder what has been in front of me all along? I am reading the Bible chronologically right now because I want to, not because I have to. And honestly, I’ve really enjoyed learning the info, commentary, and insights that Tara Leigh Cobble brings to her Bible Recap Podcast.
Going against the cultural grain. Another story I didn’t know/understand (there are so many!) is Paul’s conversion story. I find it inspiring. I discovered this movie about him when I was clicking through Amazon Prime one night. I thought it was good.
“I identify with many parts of the story she tells regarding the spiritual exfoliation that can happen in the desert.”
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Love this quote! I want to say I recently learned about the fasting aspects that can happen in the desserts and how this is a common place of wholeness.
I’ve seen in other pieces, you’ve mentioned spirituality and Christianity and I’ve been on a similar journey. I document it in my podcasts and would love your thoughts if time permits
https://unorthodoxy.substack.com/p/why-gnosticism-is-the-christianity#details
Wow wow wow I have absolutely loved read both of these stories. Thank you for sharing. It's given me so much to think about. More recently I have found myself having frequent, silent conversations with a 'God' that guides my spirit and soul and I've been wondering how and where to go to explore this further. You've given mu much to consider and I will look at the books you have recommended. Reading this has brought back my own memories of church in childhood. I can only imagine how absolutely incredible this trip must have been for you Jolene. Thank you for sharing