The Online Alcohol-Free World
Is manifesting your dream life the key to circumventing online burnout? Or is there a better way?
There’s a low-grade level of burnout that has been permeating the online alcohol-free space. I don’t mean people have returned to drinking. I mean people have felt an incongruence and ickiness that has taken hold in the online alcohol-free world. I’ve been watching it happen for the past 3-5 years.
But before we go there, let’s look back at the origins of the alcohol-free movement
For many years, society at large ignored the fact that most people who drank were drinking in the gray area. This gray area drinking (GAD) demographic didn’t need to physically remove themselves from their environment for 30 or more days to go to a treatment center to stop drinking. But they also didn’t drink every now and again (a handful of times throughout the year) either.
They drank somewhere between those two drinking extremes—the large and long drinking spectrum called gray area drinking—which is how most people drink.
GAD is a term backed by medical research. It’s not a health trend or a popular hashtag on social media. 1I’ve linked that research in the footnotes below. The GAD term and conversation isn’t going away. It will just continue to grow and become part of everyone’s vernacular.
Ten years ago, a small number of pioneering voices in different locations around the globe stopped drinking around the same time—2012-2014. They didn’t know each other when they quit drinking, but through the instant connectivity of the Internet they quickly found one another. Looking back, it was a serendipitous and predestined time.
These early pioneers were around the same age, in their 30s or early 40s. They stopped drinking on their own accord without traditional support or treatment. And then, they courageously started speaking and writing and connecting with each other on their decisions to “do it differently.” They came at their alcohol-free decision from a place of choice, liberation, health, and a small dose of rebellion — because that’s what was needed to challenge the outdated yet culturally accepted views on alcohol that the majority of people held at that time.
We began to break the stigma and put a new face(s) on what it looks like to quit drinking without end-stage drinking experiences. This was a major paradigm shift. We changed a narrative that had been in place since the 1930’s. It’s an honor to be part of that tipping point — an issue, idea, product, etc., crosses a certain threshold and gains significant momentum in history — which began to take hold a decade ago.
However, here we are ten years later, with every pioneer (and I mean every single person) from those early days, including myself, has either spoken about, recorded a podcast interview(s), or written in some form at one time or another about their subsequent burnout from the online space. The space, ironically, that brought us all together and gave a platform for the alcohol-free movement to be heard and take hold in the early days.
—‘Blackout’ author, Sarah Hepola, admits last year was a struggle, but her friends helped her get through it (sober since 2010).
—“I quit the sober community in 2021, not because I don’t have a love for those in it, but because I do not share a lot of the same sentiments being regurgitated, and I was tired of seeing people steal words and pawn them off as original.” ~Carly Benson (sober since 2008).
—“The world of sobriety has become *kinda* influencery; there are a zillion people selling shiny 5 steps/30 days/flip a switch answers with pretty pictures, cute reels and pink cloud taglines.” ~Laura McKowen (sober since 2014).
—Jolene Park and Aidan Donnelley Rowley discuss their personal experiences with burnout this year in 2020. (sober since 2014 and 2016 respectively)
—Transitions: The fundamental ambiguity of being human, what to do when you don't know what to do ~Holly Whitaker (sober since 2013)
For me, the distain and pain of the hustle culture is top of the list
Especially when Instagram, Facebook, and other social media fuels a toxic competitive and cancel culture among 30, 40, and 50 year old woman. Add to that the rise of recent “influencers” who promote and market “changing your relationship with alcohol” as the key to manifesting your abundant dream life and career.
But honestly, the most depleting and hardest thing for me is when my content, words, sales pages, and intellectual property—my own original creative work—is stolen. My attorney has drawn up cease-and-desist letters, and then at the eleventh hour, I pull the plug. I’ve decided (for now, with some good and wise counsel) to try to live Michelle Obama’s line: “If they go low, I go high.” But it’s not easy.
So what’s the answer?
I think, especially for me, the answer is doubling down on nervous system regulation and staying close to God. But this is not where I insert a curated list of steps and solutions to wrap up this post. I want stories instead, and I’m hoping you do too!
One of my favorite teachers, Rachel Ramen MD, says, “Stories restore our energy, and offer us meaning in our lives and even our suffering. They help us to live.”
For the month of January, I’ve asked some folks who also work in and have long been part of this online alcohol-free space to join me in conversation. I want to hear how they are digging deep into nervous system work after they’ve been through significant loses, grief, or career identity shifts? What are they learning? What exactly are they doing with specific nervous system regulation practices to support their mind and body when navigating this crazy online world that we all work in?
I also want to hear from people who have had a major pivot with God now that they’ve stopped drinking. They never would’ve thought in a million years they would be “God Curious” but here they are. Not only that, but they’ve seen God bring a calm and peace to their life and career that’s beyond what they ever could’ve “manifested.” I want to hear those stories! What happened? What have they been learning and doing in and with their faith? How has God buoyed them through and out of the burnout of the hustle culture?
I’m going to keep these conversations behind my Substack paywall. We’ll begin in January. I’ll release the first conversation the week of January 8. I hope you’ll join us! You can subscribe to hear the interviews via the link below. I’m excited to share some stories from people—living their lives differently—by doubling down on nervous system regulation and staying close to God!
See you then!
You are reading Healthy Discoveries by Jolene Park, a newsletter about life after Gray Area Drinking. Nourishing the nervous system. Unplugging from social media. Exploring a faith-based life. Sacred rhythms and rest. Navigating menopause, burnout, and trauma. Food as medicine and root cause medicine. I’m also on Instagram, and have a popular TED talk on Gray Area Drinking which has been viewed over 500,000 times. Comments and selected resource links are open to paid subscribers. I appreciate your support of my work by subscribing here.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Healthy Discoveries By Jolene Park to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.