I'm Celebrating — Nine Years Alcohol Free Today!
Looking back over the years. Plus, a free training.
I haven’t had a drop, sip, or drink of alcohol since December 14, 2014.
My last day of drinking, December 13, was an uneventful “drinking day.” Nothing bad happened. I didn’t even drink a lot that day. But I felt sick until Tuesday.
In my queasy, nauseated state as I drove to a Denver coffee shop that Tuesday morning, I had the most important conversation I’ve ever had with myself. I’ve written about this conversation before and mentioned it at the beginning of my TED talk as well. These are some of the questions that spiraled through my mind as I drove down the highway.
—Am I really never going to drink again?
—What if I go to Italy on a romantic get-away?
—What if something really bad happens?
—What if I get married? What will I do at the toast during the wedding reception?
The answer to every question above was and still is a resolute and resounding NO, I won’t drink again. Regardless of what happens (good or bad) in the future. I knew in my bones I was done drinking for good.
Today, nine years later, lots of good things have happened and some bad things, but my red wine days feel like a lifetime ago. The cellular memory of alcohol in my life has been erased. Yet I know how easily those circuits would light up if I started drinking again. I went on and off the drinking merry-go-round enough times to know it’s not worth getting back on. It was always harder for me to keep trying to stop drinking than it is to stay stopped.
The first month
I focused on keeping my blood sugar balanced and 1boosting my GABA levels. I pieced together what I knew from my functional medicine training and background, and I created a protocol for myself in the early days.
There were no sober podcasts or quit-lit sections on Amazon. No one was on Instagram in 2014 talking about taking an early exit from drinking before a crash-and-burn drinking story derailed their life. There were no gray area drinking coaches, online alcohol-free communities, sober for the health of it challenges, Dry January programs, or 30-day alcohol-free courses.
A year and a half into not drinking, a friend asked me if I considered going to AA when I first quit drinking. That question took me by surprise because it hadn’t occurred to me that I could go to AA. I didn’t think I was “bad enough” for AA to be an option. But I knew I was absolutely drinking too much, more than I should have been, which is why I quit on my own.
On December 29—16 days after I stopped drinking—I invited a group of friends out on a snowy, cold Colorado evening to a restaurant/bar to celebrate my 44th birthday. No one really paid attention to the club soda splashed with cranberry juice that I ordered that night. The one friend who did notice asked why I wasn’t drinking. I told him I just decided to quit. He then proceeded to order a club soda all night long in solidarity with me, which meant a lot in those early days!
The next twelve months - 2015
I kept track of my non-drinking days on an app on my phone. A visual reminder of my continuous string of alcohol-free (AF) days was helpful. It was a powerful motivator for me to keep the streak going. I felt accomplished each time I’d mark another AF day off the calendar, even if the rest of the day felt like I didn’t accomplish anything.
The first four months were relatively easy—until they weren't. I hit a point (as we all do) where I wanted to drink again, but2I got some really good support and kept my alcohol-free streak going. I also hit a period of time3at my 18-month mark where I hung onto my sobriety each day by a thread. I ultimately didn’t drink, but it was not an easy season.
I put all my attention that first year into re-branding my website for the corporate wellness work I was doing. This was a perfectly timed project because it demanded my focus and sustained motivation (which boosted dopamine). That summer I did a Whole 30/Paleo challenge and took the sugar out of my diet (six months after quitting drinking), which helped boost all my neurotransmitters, especially serotonin.
On December 14, 2015, I celebrated one year alcohol free! I flew to Big Sur, Carmel, California for a couple days. I love the ocean, so that’s where I wanted to be on my 365-day milestone.
The second year - 2016
Toward the end of 2015 I read Sarah Hepola’s book, Blackout, Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget. I immediately followed Sarah on FaceBook. When she posted that she was a guest on the HOME podcast with Holly Whitaker and Laura McKowen, I listened in.
This was a turning point.
After a full year of “going at it alone,” things were about to radically shift.
I joined tens of thousands of other women who were already listening to this weekly podcast called HOME. Holly and Laura gave voice to women and drinking in a way that had never been done before. They were shaking the paradigm and breaking the stigma we’d all subscribed to since the 1930s. Instead of regurgitating an outdated narrative of a self will run riot, character defects, and moral failings, the HOME podcast gave voice to our collective drinking reality through relatable personal stories about women and alcohol in the world today.
It was through the HOME podcast that I met fellow Coloradoan, Annie Grace, author of This Naked Mind. Annie introduced me to One Year No Beer and Club Soda, both UK-based alcohol-free communities, and She Recovers, a Canadian-based organization.
I began to reach out to all of these folks. It was exciting to know there were others who quit drinking around the same time I did and had similar quit (without traditional treatment) stories.
Bex Weller, founder of Sexy Sobriety, one of the first Australian alcohol-free online communities, was the first to interview me about neurotransmitters in 2016.
Then I emailed Holly and Laura.
I said, “I love your podcast so much, but I think there’s a missing piece — the physiology piece — it’s such an important component to these conversations you’re having!”
I didn’t expect them to respond, but Holly replied. I was thrilled to connect with more alcohol-free women and share my passion about physiology. Especially after being on my own (without a community of non-drinkers) during my first year of quitting drinking.
But once that interview/conversation aired, everything changed.
All of a sudden (like overnight) I had a gray area drinking coaching business — before gray area drinking coaching was even a thing. I had no time to think through any official “business strategy.” My Craving Brain Coaching was off and running.
Women doctors, attorneys, therapists, nurses, corporate executives, health and nutrition coaches, stay-at-home moms, social workers, and so many others were reaching out saying, “Your story is my story.”
The third and forth year 2017-2018
These were busy, full-on years! I was coaching Gray Area Drinkers privately as my sole income and business.
I flew back and forth to Santa Monica, California to train and certify in Somatics + Yoga. Aidan Donnelley Rowley (another guest in the early days on the HOME podcast) and I became friends and we launched the first podcast about Gray Area Drinking (GAD). We named it EDIT: Editing Our Drinking & Our Lives. We were the pioneers in this GAD conversation. In 2020 we stopped recording, but the 38 episodes we released during that time have been downloaded/listened to close to a quarter of a million times as of this posting.
That summer I applied for TEDx and was selected to speak. In November 2017 I gave my TEDx talk, which put Gray Area Drinking on the global stage.
In 2018 I launched both my NOURISH online community and the Gray Area Drinking Coach Training. Some of my NOURISH community members and clients attended my first in-person weekend retreat that I hosted later that fall in Vail, Colorado.
The fifth and sixth year 2019 - 2020
Annie Grace invited me to be one of the keynote speakers at her LIVE Event in Denver.
I also gave some talks in London for Club Soda and Love Sober starting in 2018 and continuing in 2019. I pretty much worked non-stop with my private coaching clients and training other coaches (during holidays and when I traveled) which I don’t recommend and don’t do anymore. When the pandemic hit, NPR interviewed me twice about Gray Area Drinking.
The seventh, eighth, and ninth years 2021 - 2023
The pandemic years. It’s a blur. I remember thinking, “Oh, business will slow down a bit while we flatten the curve. It’ll be a nice break from client work for a while.”
Ha.
I talked to an ER doc this Thanksgiving who said the majority of ER visits these days are from people from all walks of life struggling with alcohol, anxiety, and depression as a result of the lingering impacts from the pandemic!
In 2021, seven years alcohol-free, I longed for a different space and place. Charleston, South Carolina, fit the bill. I moved my residence, life, and business across country at 50 years old. The move opened the door to God and a faith-filled life—something I was parched and hungry for in my alcohol-free journey, yet I hadn’t realized it until then.
I gave another keynote the summer of 2022 at the Women for Sobriety Conference in Portland, Oregon. I was asked to be part of a short segment on the CBS Evening News last December. And I’ve done 40+ interviews on other podcasts over the years.
I love being a podcast guest. I particularly liked this interview with one of the coaches from Australia who went through my coach training in 2021.
Isabella Ferguson interviewed me about the nervous system and we talked about why it’s such an important component to work with when you quit drinking. She emailed me last week and said,
“I’m incredibly grateful that you came onto the podcast. It has been one of the highest downloads. I recommend it to all my clients at the start of my work with them.” ~Isabella Ferguson, Not Drinking Today Podcast Host
Phew! What a ride it has been!
When I quit drinking, it was not my intention or plan to work in the alcohol-free space. I essentially stumbled into the work I’m doing now two years after I stopped drinking. But in retrospect, I also feel like this has been a large part of my calling and life’s work. I just didn’t always know that.
I never would have thought nine years ago that out of my own internal, private, and quiet decision to stop drinking, this would become my livelihood. There has been wonderful and not so wonderful things happen in the alcohol-free coaching, online business space since I entered into it almost a decade ago. But ultimately it’s gratifying to see how much this life-style and well-being choice has gained momentum and global visibility over the years! Choosing to be alcohol-free is becoming more and more publicly accepted and respected, which wasn’t the case just a short time ago. I’m incredibly honored to do this work and contribute to this field.
And I have no illusion about what would happen if I drank again — I’d quickly be right back where I don’t want to be with drinking. I can’t even imagine where my life would be if I were still drinking today. I still feel as resolute as I did in 2014. I know in my bones I’m done with alcohol for good. No matter what happens, good or bad in the future, alcohol is not an option for me.
Cheers! To nine years of choosing to live alcohol-free.❤️
Epilogue
If you’re silently struggling right now and going back and forth with drinking versus not drinking. Or, if you’re having an internal debate about whether you should quit drinking forever because you’re “not that bad” and you “function really well” —reach out! I’m happy to help. There are so many great options. You’ll be surprised how much you actually like and find great benefit in the resources, support, and inspiration that’s available today. There’s never a perfect time to quit drinking, but today is the perfect day to stop drinking. I promise! I’m here if you need. Message me anytime jolene.park@gmail.com.
A gift for you
If you are a coach or healthcare provider who has been on thinking about taking my NOURISH Method Coach Training, I’m giving you free access to a class I taught a couple months ago.
7 crucial resources Gray Area Drinkers need to nourish and regulate their nervous system without alcohol.
Specific, proven steps to restore and rewire the brain post-alcohol.
How to confidently address the missing (alcohol) link behind the other health-related issues your clients present.
It’s only 45 minutes and you can access it here. It will give you a sample of my NOURISH Method™ (which I’ve been facilitating, teaching since 2018) and what you expect within my coach training.
You are reading Healthy Discoveries by Jolene Park, a newsletter about life after Gray Area Drinking. Nourishing the nervous system. Unplugging from social media. Exploring a faith-based life. Sacred rhythms and rest. Navigating menopause, burnout, and trauma. Food as medicine and root cause medicine. I’m also on Instagram, and have a popular TED talk on Gray Area Drinking which has been viewed over 500,000 times. Comments are open to paid subscribers. I appreciate your support of my work by subscribing here.
For paid subscribers I’ve footnoted below:
—The specific GABA-boosting protocol that I put together for myself and used in the early days of not drinking.
—The support I sought around the four-month and 18-month mark when I wanted to drink/escape into a bottle of wine again.
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